Being Doomed and Loving it
by lilfandomfreak
Summary: A few days have past since the trickster incident, nobody knows yet that it's a doomed timeline, and to be honest, they really won't for a while. They are too caught up in the drama that ensues. DirkJane fic. T
1. Chapter 1

Jane's POV Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is a doomed timeline I can do whatever I want! Or is it the alpha timeline and I'm secretly Andrew Hussie? The answer is probably the first one. **_**Probably**_**. I can still do whatever I want, either way. Fanfiction is like that.**

Several days have passed since the Tricksters incident. Something about the timeline feels off, like an event was supposed to be taking place around now. Roxy said that our young parents should be arriving soon, it has been long enough, so maybe that is it? I really can't wait to see dad. Was he a cunning prankster? Master baker? Dad also could have been boring, clean, and average like all of his friends he spoke to on the PDA. I have to assume the worst with this, or else I will be let down again. Still, no matter what he is like, he _will_ be dad. That is the part I simply cannot wait for.

We decided to prepare for their arrival in the most logical way possible: throw a party. Okay, I suppose that would be a little irresponsible of us, that's why we are ALSO trying to ascend the god tiers. Not everyone is talking to each other frequently, which is problematic, but I think we're making progress. I mean, we were even all in the same room just yesterday.

Roxy and I bake on occasion, other times I teach Dirk the wonders of food that isn't junk. I still haven't gotten him to give up the several bottles of orange soda per day. Today, however, I have a prank to pull. It may not be my finest work, but it should teach him a thing or two about his obsession. As the saying goes, "old habits die hard," or something like that.

Before my arrival, Jake and Roxy had been using the countertops in the kitchen for decoration making. A small mess of glitter and markers littered valuable surface-space. A flush came from the restroom and Roxy marched out, paused at the doorway., and walked over to greet me. She was wobbling, not because of alcohol, but from the ridiculously high pair of heels she was wearing.

Roxy tore the shoes off of her feet, "And alchemy fails again. Ugh, remind me to combine these with a pillow or something." The nail polish she wore magnified the gloss as she held a heel in the air. They were both the color scheme of the rest of her outfit. All voidey.

If they had been decorating in here… _Oh no_, "Please tell me you didn't drink any of the orange beverages in the fridge!" I looked around frantically for the pitchers I prepared this morning.

"No way, Dirk's orange soda is the GROSSEST. I think he's going to die from some sort of sugar coma."

"Did Jake?" I continued rummaging through the contents of the chest of whimsy.

"Noooooooooooooo, buuut we may have moved it to make room for the cake you left out."

"Where?!"

"Why?"

"I made them for a prank. You know, to teach Dirk a thing-or-two about drinking so much soda. It's really just a joke to pass time, but I don't want it all going to waste."  
"Awww, that's actually kind of cute."

"Roxy!" She attempted to muffle her laughter. "Not funny. Where are the pitchers?" I sent her to retrieve them while I cleaned up their mess in the kitchen. Since I came to the house a bit earlier than Dirk would, I laid out some baking supplies and set out a few glasses. Roxy returned and she begged for a few minutes to stay to see his reaction, and at first I maintained a stubborn no, but she broke me and I had to let her. However, I forced her to practise her invisibility while she was at it.

We finished just in time, because a moment later Dirk strode (Strider puns are the not-so-literal best) into the room. He was wearing his typical glasses, and god tier outfit. As he approached the nearby table he brought his hood down.

"Sorry I'm late, what I miss?" He asked as he washed his hands- my policy in the Crocker household kitchen when you're going to cook or bake.

"Grammar, Dirk. What did you miss?" I sighed. "You haven't missed a thing."

"Alright, alright, I will attempt to speak the english language…" Dirk paused for ironically dramatic purposes. "properly."

I pointed a whisk at him from the counter. "Very good." Roxy gradually moved an object behind Dirk. Suppressing laughter I asked "What are we doing today?"

He noticed my line of sight and swiftly turned around, "What?" Roxy had already made the object disappear. What was it anyway? A perfectly generic object, perhaps? "Anyways, we're making ironic ice sculptures. How'd you forget?" His grammar came and went, which to be perfectly honest, I didn't mind one bit. It was just rather delightful seeing him laugh at my constant corrections.

"Why were we doing ice sculptures again? Excuse my insolence."

"Irony. And to make Bro proud."

I adjusted to a horrid posture and pushed my glasses up in obvious mockery of him. "Making him proud… ironically?" To complete my act I took a huge drink from a nearby glass of (secretly) carbonated kool-aid.

"One-hundred percent." He followed my example and picked up a glass I had laid out. Dirk gave a little cheers motion and winked behind his dark shades. There was absolutely no way to stop him from chugging the entire glass. Similarly, I couldn't stop him from spitting the entire cup's contents into the sink. Perfect.

"Oops, sorry, I forgot to mention the kool-aid." I laughed and laughed without end, not bothering to stick with my words act of innocence.

He acted offended and clutched at his throat, "You're a monster!" to no avail he dug a bottle of _Crush_ out of the chest of whimsy, uncapping it and taking an almost-cautious sip. He spit that out as well. "What is this, poison?!"

"I don't know, it's your drink." Actually, it was orange juice.

He methodically smelled every single orange drink in the kitchen, searching for one of my previously placed cups to be orange soda. The only caffeine, however, in the room was in my glass, sinisterly modified through alchemy to be blueish. Right about then, Dirk approached the chair next to me with a look of defeat.

"Given up?" I asked tauntingly.

"What did you do?" He already looked exhausted without orange soda as fuel. It was making me feel guilty about the prank. However, guilt couldn't stop me from laughing.

"You know, someone has to be worried for your health. Consider this your first lesson." He could teach irony, I would preach personal health. I do remember when he tried to teach me his ways of irony.

Being younger and still obsessed with Jake, I had been glad for any distraction. Even if we did just end up sitting down, watching TV, and eventually washing dishes that had piled up. That was the problem with irony, I made sure to mention, if you want to do something big you end up doing something small, likewise for the other way around. Still, it wasn't like I minded far too much. He had responded to my complaints with some sort of smug remark. It was the first of several meetings filled with hanging out, washing dishes, and pretending we didn't realize it wasn't ironic anymore.

Now, he started to laugh. "Says the girl who makes and eats cakes 24/7." _Isn't it ironic? _I could hear the unspoken words on the end of the phrase without listening. Suddenly, he stopped. If only he had thought about his word's impact ahead of time. If only anyone did.

Caliborn's taunts echoed in my head, taunts from his recent decisions to keep harrassing us. I was the main victim. Somehow, with Dirk's word in my head, and Caliborn's reverberating through my skull, they didn't sound that different. Everything started to blend together. Including the floorboards as my feet charged across them.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Dirk's POV

Welp, if that wasn't one of my worst screw-ups, then someone had better go slap the guy that claims otherwise. Sure, it wasn't intended as a fat joke. It wouldn't be a fat joke for some people, but for Jane, we all knew she was sensitive. I guess that's part of being a friend, you have to know what they're sensitive about, and try not to trample over it. I want to blame my insensitivity on growing up surrounded by absolutely no one, but that's just not true. I'd be an insensitive prick regardless of circumstances.

I swore for the short period of time before Roxy took down her invisibility, "ARE YOU AN IDIOT?" Okay, so she was pissed. Possibly more than pissed. Mega-pissed? Overwhelmingly put-off? Nah.

"Bruh, just hold up, I didn't mean it and you know it,"

"Dirk." She was not having my excuses. Jeesh, tough crowd.

"I know. I know. Maybe I can just like, apologize, and she'll just forget it ever happened. It's not like what I just said was the most terrible thing ever." Oh god, I was definitely making it worse for myself. Stop. Talking.

"YOU ARE AN IDIOT!"

"I KNOW I AM BUT UNFORTUNATELY THAT DOESN'T FIX THE PROBLEM!"

"Look, whether you meant it or not, fat jokes are prohibited ANYWHERE near Jane if you consider yourself her friend. Just like Jake jokes, drunk jokes, you jokes, parent jokes, and obscure juggalo clown jokes."

"Really? Since when did we ban the obscure juggalo clown jokes?"

"Since Jane started calling the fridge the chest of whimsy."

"Oh." I paused, recalling her other words. "Hold up, Jake jokes don't bug me."  
"Yes they do. They also kind of bug Jane, we typically just avoid talking about the whole debacle."

"My relationship with Jake was a 'debacle?'" Totally uncool.

"See, you are sensitive about it."

Why was she so right? "Goddammit, Roxy."

"I'm gonna go comfort my best friend, and you're gonna think about what you've done."

"Am I in time-out?"

"Yes." With that she turned on her obviously uncomfortable heels and skedaddled. Girls had a weird way of knowing exactly where the other had gone. I would just guess and walk around for like an hour. She might just be doing that too, but something tells me that she instantly knew.

So, without anything to do, I turned in the direction lonely people go. Talking to their exes.

TT: What does one do when they have angered Ms. Crocker?

GT: I don't have time lil hal.

TT: Yo.

TT: That offended me.

TT: I have yet to say it seems, and I won't unless I feel exceptionally robot-y, of which I won't, because I'm me.

TT: Me is Dirk, by the way.

GT: Prove that you are you.

TT: Well, I don't think Lil Hal knows about that one time when you fell into a hole and would've died if it weren't for the helium balloons on Jane's planet.

GT: Dear lord you can stop.

GT: Actually it would be quite fine if you never called that memory to light again.

TT: Noted.

TT: So, anyways.

TT: I fucked up and angered Jane.

GT: How so?

TT: Unintended fat joke?

GT: You are dead.

TT: Yep.

TT: Deader than when I cut my own head off.

GT: Are you actually coming to me for advice?

TT: I am desparate.

TT: Roxy also grounded me.

GT: Hmm only something very drastic and bold could recover you from this hurdle.

GT: Something heartfelt and extremely improvised!

TT: So, you have nothing.

GT: That would be so.

TT: I did like where you were going.

TT: But what would I do in order to get her to forgive me?  
TT: And how can I get past Roxy?

GT: Sneak out of your window in the might of evening?

TT: Bro, gotta stop with the movie and preteen show plots.

GT: Their allure will not cease.

TT: Truly.

TT: Wait a second…

TT: What if I did just that?

GT: What?

GT: Did what?

TT: Gotta go, irony in need of birth, right at my hands, like I'm some sort of doctor, 'bout to yank that sucker right out of the cervix.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Jane's POV

I may have overreacted. He didn't mean to say anything like that. The words are ghostly to my uneasy mind. Says the girl who makes and eats cakes 24/7. Says the girl who makes and eats cakes 24/7. Says the girl who makes and eats cakes 24/7. Says the girl who-

"JANEY, STAAAHHP BEING SO SAD AND BLANKING OUT." Roxy had a way of getting my attention.

Isn't it ironic?

"Sorry…" I didn't really know how to respond.

"Hey, you aren't allowed to apologize. You did absolutely nothing."

"Neither did Dirk, it was just a slip of the tongue." I kept trying to convince myself of that.

Roxy rolled her eyes, "I will not let you forgive him so easily. The statement obviously hurt you, and he must pay for doing so."

"But really, I just ran out of there like a child having a fit." I sighed. In my fit I had run all the way around the house to the back staircase and to the higher levels of the house. The alchemy room proved to have some advantages, such as being able to hide out in it for as long as you had stuff in your sylladex to alchemize with. I was currently sitting on a bed surrounded by comfort food, joke books, clothing, and pillows. Roxy's ideas, not mine.

"Come on, let's stop fretting and try on these new outfits."

"Retail therapy isn't exactly what I want right now, Rox."

"Too bad, that's what you're getting."

"It's not like I'll ever wear these things. I'll just change back into my God Tier when it's done."

"That doesn't matter."

Roxy raided my room, taking my posters, books, and movies, all with a similar topic, and bringing them into the alchemy room. She instructed me to go grab some more clothing, but let's face it, she really just wanted me out of the way while she alchemized. So I made a couple of smoothies. Trying to avoid looking at the Betty Crocker boxes surrounding me, I grabbed a tray to carry stuff on. Might as well bring up a plate of cookies.

I never did bother looking at the ingredient label, specifically the sugars part, except in times when Caliborn had been getting to me. He hadn't pestered me that day, but I still lingered in the kitchen. The label almost taunted me with it's numbers, fading into the most meaningful yet meaningless thing for my mind to comprehend. I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes. There were tears without temperature present.

"Janey! Get up here already!" I shuffled up the steps, two smoothies and an empty plate in tow.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Dirk's POV

"Come on, Roxy, just let me go apologize!" I pleaded with her, one last time. She remained stiff as a rock. "Please, I made a mistake, but keeping me away will only let her think I meant it. I need to make this up to her. Just let me the fuck past."

She looked incredulous. "Do you even know what insecurity does to someone?"

"How can you say that?!"

"Stay away while I help my friend. You can apologize when you deserve the chance to apologize. Jane doesn't want to talk to you right now." Roxy slammed the door to Jane's house within the millisecond. The seconds following let me brood. Had Jane actually asked Roxy to keep me away? How long would she want me away? How could I get to her with Roxy as guard-dog? What would I do?

TT: Strike one, three and I'll be even deader.

GT: What did you do?

TT: I didn't get to do anything.

TT: Roxy stopped me at the door.

GT: Did you have a plan?

TT: There was definitely a plan.

TT: However, my brilliance cannot face off against the fierceness of Lalonde.

GT: Jane didn't even come downstairs?

TT: Nope. Not even a shadow on the staircase.

GT: That sounds rough.

GT: Perhaps I could use your blunders to fix my own relations with Janey.

TT: Bro.

GT: Simply joking.

TT: Good.

TT: Then my ass would be alone AND grounded.

GT: At least there is an upside.

TT: How is there an upside?

GT: We are joking together like the good ol' days.

GT: Maybe time and special circumstances actually do heal?

TT: Hahaha.

TT: Look, English.

TT: I'm sorry about how everything happened. You know that right?

GT: It was largely my fault as well.

TT: Yeah, no shit.

TT: But I'm over it. Hopefully, you're over it. EVeryone's over it.

GT: Except Jane.

TT: Nah, I think she's over it.

TT: But try to avoid fat jokes.

GT: Nice work there.

TT: Yeah. I'm gonna go get some sleep.

TT: This gaining forgiveness thing is hard work.

GT: Sweet dreams.

TT: Ha. Ha. Very funny.

I didn't actually get any sleep, though. I was too busy trying to think of a way to get Jane to forgive me. I couldn't stop getting distracted by how stupid it was. The shallow insensitive prick of the team manages to be a shallow insensitive prick, but then the prick wants forgiveness. Hah. When I go over there she'll just laugh, guaranteed. My plan to achieve forgiveness would do absolutely nothing.

I did have such a great plan too.

So apparently I had fallen asleep at one point. I woke up and it was probably about dawn. There was a puddle of drool on my desk table, and my hair was impossibly ruined. Okay, so maybe one strand was out of place, but fuck it looked ruined paired with the circles under my freakish orange eyes. I only got a little sleep. Restless uneventful sleep.

I looked in the mirror as I straightened my hair. Roxy asked if I even knew what insecurity does to a person. I should have just laughed in her face and walked in the other direction. MY eyes entertained the idea, reminding me of a fire with their unnatural color. Do _I_ know what insecurity does to a person?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Jane's POV

"How does one even alchemize this?"

"With practice."

"Shucks."

"I know. Isn't it perfect for you!"

"Roxy, this is incomprehensibly perfect." She squealed in confirmation. The things she alchemized really were amazing. I guess that's what happens when you combine clothing and your possessions; they reflect your interests.

Roxy clapped her hands together, "What will we name this ensemble?" She was really stoked about the whole retail therapy thing. As a child she never really did have girlfriends to go shopping with or dress up or any of the typical stereotypes she must've dreamed of. My only option was to go along with it, besides, it was kind of fun.

"How about, Roaring Twenties?"

"Is that what they called these dresses?"

"I keep forgetting that you're from the future, no, umm…" I didn't exactly want to give her a history lesson. "In the twenties, women started wearing short dresses, and stuff that went against the proper lady image. They called those flapper dresses." I wanted to ramble on about the boyish figure that flapper dresses created, the bob haircut that became popular, the makeup, the glamor of the entire decade. I was really obsessed with their culture, so very enamored with their progression. I guess Earth's past was a bit useless now.

"Wow. The past sounds so epic."

"It's my favorite decade." I really did love the 20s. "Betty Crocker was also founded in 1921."

"Gurl. No. We talked about this. No Batterwitch fangirling."

I sighed. "Old habits die hard." If I use that phrase one more time, I may just kill myself, which won't do a darned thing because of this god tier.

"When you sigh it's like the saddest thing ever, you know that, right?" Roxy was looking at me funnily.

"I's simply a sigh, Rox. Nothing sad 'bout it."

"See! That's how I know you're actually sad. You stumble all over your words."

"You just be quiet now."

Roxy stood up from her chair and walked over to me, "That gives me an idea." She looked thoroughly mischievous.

"Oh?"

"Come on, we've got a TON more alchemizing to do before we're done."

My flapper dress sparkled in the sterile lighting of the room. It's design was made of beads and fringe. Roxy had made a real gem. She had also made a long pearl necklace, and a matching cloche hat. The colors were vibrant. I doubt Roxy knows how to make anything drably. The base was yellow, beading pink, and fringe a dull cyan. How the colors worked together, I do not know, but they did.

"Were you trying to color this like the trickster outfit?"

"Lol, I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

"Dear god no. Never again."

She laughed, "Fine then, maybe we'll go for a more you color scheme this time." With a wink she grabbed my old shirt, with the cyan beast on it.

"Roxy, it's been a long day, maybe you should just go home, let me sleep. I'm fine, nothing's wrong."

"BS. There is no friggen way I'm believing that."

"Auuuuggh. I AM FINE."

She just looked at me for a while, crossing her arms and trying not to laugh. Clearly she couldn't hold the serious expression for long. "This is why the trickster thing happened. You never told anyone what was wrong."

"Yes, but we don't have any red green jujus, now do we?"

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't say what's wrong."

I didn't know what to say. Something was wrong. Wasn't it? But really, how could I tell her when I didn't even know? Dirk had said something, I had run off like a child, Roxy followed. What had made me run? Why was what Dirk said affecting me so much? A vibration rustled me out of my haze. It was my phone on the floor.

"I'm just gonna go… make some more smoothies." I hurried off, grabbing my phone on the way. This time Roxy gave me space, and didn't follow. Maybe she shouldn't have.

uu: HEY HUMAN EARTH CATTLE. STOP WEARING THAT MONSTROSITY THIS INSTANT.

GG: Stop fucking jeering me this instant you shithead monster.

uu: WOW. THAT WAS ANGRY.

uu: I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO WRONG YOU. WHY AM I THE BAD GUY.

GG: I am going to block you, you know that right?

uu: YOUR PATHETIC BLOCKS HAVE YET TO WORK AGAINST ME.

GG: But I can keep using them.

uu: I WOULD JUST START JEERING YOU AGAIN. DO YOU HAVE NO BRAINS.

uu: DON'T ANSWER THAT. WE ALREADY KNOW THAT YOU DON'T.

GG: Should I even dignify that with a response?

uu: YOU DO NOT DIGNIFY ME IN ANY WAY. YOU ARE TOO LOW TO DO THAT.

uu: I AM THE ONE DIGNIFYING YOU WITH MY WORDS.

GG: Suuuuure.

GG: Alright, clearly that conversation lasted long enough.

GG: I am blocking you.

uu: WAIT.

uu: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO TELL YOU.

GG: I don't actually care.  
uu: THAT HURT MY "FEELINGSAWEDRFGYHHN".

GG: Do you really have to keep up the key mashing thing?

GG: I mean, it is obviously just you trying to be a larger dick in a weird way.

uu: ONCE AGAIN. YOU ARE BEING VERY DEROGATORY.

uu: I AM ATTEMPTING TO EXTEND MY "FRIENDSHIPUFHGCVJKHK" TO YOU AND YOU ARE PLOWING IT INTO THE GROUND.

uu: THAT IS VERY HURTFUL. YOU FAT HOE. WHY DO YOUR COMPANIONS EVEN BOTHER WITH YOU WHEN YOU ARE SUCH A "FRIENDSHIPYEFVJHLSEFBV" KILLER.

GG: Because I don't insult them and then say I'm actually complimenting them?

uu: SEE! THERE YOU GO IGNORING MY CULTURE AND BLATANTLY MOCKING HOW I HAVE BEEN RAISED TO COMMUNICATE.

uu: I PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO THIS AND YOU SIMPLY TOSS IT AWAY.

GG: There are so many things wrong with that statement.

GG: If you were putting any effort into being friendly you would realize that insults hurt us.

GG: Frankly, I don't even care if you are trying to be friendly.

GG: WE HATE YOU AND WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

uu: WOAH. WOAH. WOAH. HOLD UP FOR ONE HUMAN SECOND AND QUIT THE SHOUTING.

uu: THIS IS WHY YOUR FRIENDS DON'T LIKE YOU.

uu: DIRK WAS ONLY SAYING THE TRUTH AND YOU HAD TO GO AND GET MAD AT HIM FOR IT.

uu: I THINK THAT IT'S YOUR FAULT AND YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE TRYING TO APOLOGIZE.

GG: How do you even know what he said?

uu: I HAVE AUDIO. YOU SHOULD REALLY PAY ATTENTION MORE.

uu: BITCHES NEVER REALLY DO LISTEN ANYWAYS.

GG: Wait, what did you mean by trying to apologize?

uu: YOUR NEGLECT MANAGES TO SWELL TO REALLY FUCKING LARGE AMOUNTS.

GG: Was Dirk really trying to apologize?

uu: ARE YOU PAYING ANY FUCKING ATTENTION.

GG: Not really.

GG: But this news is alarming.

GG: I'm going to block you now.

GG: Have a lovely day, watching us like a pervert.

If Dirk was trying to apologize… then wouldn't that mean that Roxy had dealt with him?

"Janey! Get up here already!"

Had Roxy actually done that?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Dirk's POV

**Author's Note: Time's a bit out of sync here. Dirk is on the next day, Janey is still at yesterday. Just go with it.**

TT: Bro.

TT: I have a newfound sense of enthusiasm.

TT: If you have the time, come and help me.

TT: LOTAK. 1200. My house.

I was a man with a plan. A miraculously flawed plan. But still a plan. An also severely revised plan. Before I fell asleep, I worked for hours. What was making me work so hard? I had no idea. But I couldn't live knowing how much I had hurt Jane. That was a very thick fucking line that I refused to cross.

"What in the name are you doing?" Jake called as he entered the room.

"Being a gigantic idiot. Come help me." I responded without looking up. Once I would've been enchanted with his every word and movement, paralyzed by the spell of loving him, but the end of it had come. My Jake curse was gone.

He put his hand down on the back of my chair reflexively, "Is this a robot?" After he realized where his hand was, he awkwardly took a couple steps back.

"No. Well, sort of. I just need your movie expertise."

"Movie expertise?" He paused, "Oh my heavens, please tell me you aren't doing what I think you're doing."

"I probably am. Though, doing exactly what you expect isn't quite ironic."

"So you aren't doing what I'm expecting?"

"Probably."

"That response was ridiculously infuriating."

"Good. Here, this is my plan, I wrote it down because I will likely forget it. Read it over and advise me…" I stopped before handing the paper over, I was forgetting something, but what? "Oh, yeah, please."

"It's about time."

"Huh?"

"You never say please."

"Hmm… yeah, sorry about that. I'll try harder. Will you still help me though? I do realize I'm a big douche, but the sake of my relationship with Jane depends on this." I wasn't one for speeches, but surely that was enough to tide him over.

He looked at me funnily, I didn't like it. "You do realize what is happening here, correct?"  
"No?"

"Your 'relationship with Jane', just look at how committed to making amends you are! If I didn't know better, I'd say that you are-" I very delicately shoved a wrench into his gut. "OWW! DEVIL-FUCKING DICKENS, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

"Hand slipped." I went back to working on my project, leaving the list there for him to take.

"Ow, man. You're lucky that this plan of yours looks so interesting, or else I would refuse to help." He laughed, I laughed, like he said, it was just like old days.

"Oh, by the way, we need to finish this today." I called to him over my shoulder.

"Are you serious?" He dropped his pen.

"Very. Sorry about the rush job."

"No, it's okay. I have an idea. What if you did this?" He showed me the piece of paper he was working on. It was honestly such a brilliant idea that I was appalled that I hadn't thought of it.

"That is so fucking great. Wait, but how do I make it ironic?"

"That would be your area of expertise."

"Fuck."

My plan was honestly just about solid. If I could get past Roxy. Ugh. I had honestly done so much thinking about the same things, I just needed a break.

"Why don't you go get some sleep? You look stupendously exhausted. I can wake you up." I took a moment there to actually look at him. It had been so long since we had talked to each other without some awkward interlude. A lot of our conversations still felt pretty fake, like reading from a script. But that statement right there seemed like genuine worry. He wasn't just making conversation, trying to fill the silent air.

I cleared my throat. "Jake?"

"What?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"We should never stop being friends again."

"Of freaking course, but seriously, you need to sleep."

"Okay, mom."

**Author's Note: Shipping Jake and Dirk as pale is not a crime. This is only an undertone though, and since they're human, I'm just gonna let this be a sort of lesser part of the story.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Jane's POV

**I started writing and thought, wow, I really liked that last chapter, it ended on a pretty happy note, so let's stop that right now. Enjoy this less happy chapter.**

"Was he here?" I said at first in a small voice.

"What?" She didn't understand at first. Behind her was a new pile of gorgeous clothing. I didn't care for dress-up any longer, though.

I repeated myself more strongly, slowly. "Was he here?"

She finally understood. "Oh. Janey. Janey."

"Answer me."

"Yes. He came by."

"When?"

"Right about after you came up with the smoothies the first time. When you were on the brink of tears. Janey, he pestered me so I went down and sent him away because I didn't want him hurting you more." She looked like several things were going through her mind. Like she knew how much she had betrayed me.

"Since when was that your call to make?"

"Janey…"

"Would you just… could you just go away?"

"Jane." She sounded hurt, as if she had the right to be hurt.

I struggled to make my voice clear and stable. "Leave me alone."

"I thought I was doing what was right."

"Go."

"You understand, please tell me you understand."  
"I want you to leave me alone for a while, it wasn't your right to make that call." I had had it with her. "I just want to sleep, and not be burdened by what a terrible best friend I have."

"You don't mean that."

"I probably don't, but right now I feel really betrayed. Go before one of us makes this even worse." And she did.

She really was just looking out for me in her own way, but the fact that she didn't tell me gave me every right to be angry. How could she not even ask me if I wanted to talk to him? How could she speak in my place?

The room was littered with clothing, she had started to change style, no longer a twenties look. It was really clever of her. Had I ended the conversation with Caliborn earlier, then I would've been currently trying the new outfits on. Giddy with excitement even. Caliborn had a way of ruining everything, didn't he? My self-esteem, my friendships, my entire fucking life. Once again, tears crept down my cheeks. Not silent, but sticky and loud. The tears weren't beautiful dainty little tears, they were snotty, brutal, and neverending. I didn't bother wiping them, and instead I fell asleep. It had been a long day.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Dirk's POV

**Author's Note: There is an awful lot of sleeping in this, but let's face it, Homestuck is like 50% sleeping. Also last chapter with sudden fluff so yeah.**

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty." His voice brought me out of my sleep.

"Dude, I know we're friends again, but petnames are sort of off-limits."

Jake laughed. "Let's just slyly strut away from that topic. Besides, I do recall that you have plans this fine evening. It would be quite a shame if you were late."

"Right. Are you still extending your help, or do I have to rely on the Brobots?"

"I am absolutely seeing this through to the end. Who would pass up such an opportunity."

"You won't be so amused when it goes horribly wrong and I end up getting slapped."

"I will be very amused if that happens."

"You'll just have a jolly good time."

"Don't make fun of my dialect."

We went to Jane's planet, big surprise there, but I forced Jake to pester Roxy.

GT: What is the likes of Ms. Lalonde up to today?

TG: smashing bttles of tequila so im not tempted to drink them

GT: Woah! Is everything alright?

TG: i stupidly made janey mad

TG: she kicked me off of her planet

GT: You gals had a fight?

TG: p much

GT: Would you like me to come over and console you?

TG: lolz, jakey the chivalrious hero

TG: u can come over if u want

TG: but if ur busy then im fine

"Dirk. What am I supposed to do? This is not a choice I am mentally prepared to make." Jake's eyes darted from his phone to me.

"Go over to Roxy. There will be hell to pay if she starts drinking again."

"Alright. You okay with Sawtooth helping you instead?"

"Yeah. I think I like him better anyways."

"I would deliver a mean retort for that, but instead I'm going to rush over to Roxy."

So I went alone. If my life was a movie, then I would most certainly be in a montage. A really short fucking montage since I got to Jane's in like five seconds.

TT: Yo, Jane. Look outside.

I threw pebbles at her window, like every single stereotypical character to ever exist. Which, as I may assert, would be ironic, as with a man like me, sometimes exactly what you expect is unexpected. She threw a shoe at the window from the inside. Not the response I was looking for.

GG: Did you have to wake me up?

TT: Ms. Crocker, I would like to point out that it is too early in the afternoon to be asleep.

I continued throwing rocks. She didn't throw a shoe this time. In fact, the window cracked open a little bit.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"

"WHAT THE HELL, DIRK?"

"Sorry, wrong line." I heard a laugh from the inside of the house, and she came to the windowsill.

"I am quite angry with you, Mr. Strider."

"And that is why I am here to apologize!"

"Took you long enough!" She leaned her arm on the edge, peering down at me. "You do realize you can fly so we don't have to yell, right?"

How did I not fucking realize that in all of my planning?!

"It's more cliched this way!"

"Suuure it is." She paused, "Are you going to apologize, or just stand there like an idiot in magenta pantaloons?"

"Well I am an idiot in magenta pantaloons so-"

"You know what I meant."

"Someone is grumpy. Jeez, too much sleep has quite a toll."  
She scowled down, "I can close this window in a matter of seconds."

"And I will throw even more rocks, until it breaks."

I sighed. Clearly it would take more than the cliched pebble throwing to win this. From below I couldn't tell if she was truly pissed at me, only that she was scowling. Her glasses were low on her face, as if they were about to fall. I itched to fly up there and push them back up onto her face. That would be a little bit creepy though. Not the best move for someone apologizing.

I pulled a sheet of paper out, she promptly asked "What is that?" a genuine curiosity behind her words.

"This is my forgiveness speech. I even have stage directions, but don't worry, I won't read them aloud."

"You seriously wrote down a speech to…" She was baffled. "This honestly should not surprise me. Proceed."

I nervously swallowed. "Today, I'm going to tell you a story about a girl. Her name is Jane Crocker. Jane Crocker is a remarkable woman. She has short hair, phenomenal eyes, and a wide smile. When one looks at her, or at least when I do, I see a woman from another generation, probably because I'm from the future and I had never seen a woman in person until a certain event took place where everyone died and I managed to kiss everybody else in the session completely unintentionally." She and I both laughed at the memory. "I have to say, seeing someone for the first time, and then seeing them die, is not very fun. Especially when you have to kiss them a while after. But dear old Janey is something special, you see. That did not matter one bit to me. Though apparently Roxy had some trouble grasping the concept."

"After we entered the session, I got to see everybody do amazing things, and go through extraordinary changes. Unfortunately, my vision was blurred by one Jake English. Jane Crocker was also in love with this boy. Likewise, her vision blurred. We're not even going to delve into how fucking in love Roxy was, because it's easier to just say that everyone was fucking blinded by English's hot piece of ass." I was somewhat glad that Jake decided to go to Roxy's.

"I managed to date English for a while, but that ended horrendously. Jane, you see, was heartbroken by the development, and rightly so, considering my only purpose in this game is to destroy heart, and Jake is an idiot. Ms. Crocker did tough it out for quite a while, and she didn't snap until her birthday."

"When I could've been helping with her party, I was busy clinging to and thus scaring away Jake. He in turn complained to Jane, and she gave a mighty abscond, because who the hell wants to put up with their crush complaining about their boyfriend? I was also made aware that she flipped a table, which is pretty impressive, and just goes to show how strong physically and mentally Jane Crocker is."

"And then this fucker named Caliborn decided to message her. Now, I am not an expert on how this went down, but I've heard that some extremely rude AND perverted things were said. If I had been a victim of this harassment, I would've snapped so much sooner, but this is Jane, and she, despite everything, kept on toughing it out. Then the same fucker told her that her dad was dead, which was not true. I'd of killed this asshat in a millisecond."

"Some more heartwrenching things happened, and honestly, how the fuck did Jane manage to endure them? We are all wondering this. The answer is her remarkable strength that I mentioned earlier."

"After she finally snapped, some regrettable business ensued where she led an entourage of sugar-high shenanigans. Shenanigans included: crotch kicking, pumpkin smashing, marriage forcing, and somewhat gross kissing, on top of some fucked up alchemy. That is really all there is to be said on the matter."

"We all woke up, and resorted to technology to talk to each other. I ensued to talk to Jane, because she was the only person I felt like talking to, and even then, I felt like I had wronged her. She was pretty cool though, she forgave me in a matter of milliseconds, as we were both blinded by the dreadful English. I told her of Roxy's strength, funny right? I walked around acting like some strong bastard pulling the strings, and Jake walked around, honestly being put above us because we all lusted after him. IN actuality, neither of us were that strong. The girls in our session were the strong ones, and I ignored them both. I ignored Roxy as a leader, and Jane as the great woman that she was."

"One may, at this point, be wondering why I am telling this story. Well, you see, I'm talking about these events for one specific reason." Here, the fuck, goes nothing. I flew up to Jane's level. "I'm trying to show how strong and beautiful Miss Jane Crocker is. She may not think beautiful, but if her appearance isn't enough to convince, then one should consider how fucking magnificent she is. That girl has survived through so much. Unfortunately, a lot of the strife has occurred at her own friends' hands. Physical or mental, this girl was challenged time and time again, constantly having to brave a hurricane. When someone comes along and says that this extraordinary and gorgeous girl is ugly, fat, a pig even, she is forced to succumb to these thoughts, and nobody is there to tell her otherwise. Now, Roxy did try to help in every way he could, but even she didn't know the extent of the pain Jane suffered."

"This total motherfucker named Dirk, me by the way, didn't even think about this when he accidentally called her fat. Yeah, I'm a total douche, I know. And then I have the nerve to ask for forgiveness."

"Dirk-" Jane tried to interrupt.

"The story is not over yet. Please silence your cell phones and annoying children."

"Dirk!" She sounded a bit agitated, but nothing was stopping my speech.

"Now, I do not expect Jane to give me forgiveness. No, in fact, she probably shouldn't. I have done a mighty wrong that I must right. I cannot leave this spot, floating outside of Jane's windowsill, until she realizes how motherfucking beautiful and strong she is!" I heard a sudden shift above me. Fuck. I forgot about the balloons on Jane's planet. One flew right above me, and did not move, which I suppose was the world's way of saying 'fuck you, Dirk'. Rain poured down.

"I tried to warn you, idiot." Jane was trying to decide whether or not to laugh or scowl.

"Do you see this!? Now I have to float out here, with the addition of rain, while waiting for Jane to realize how fucking stupid she's been, and see her own beauty! Honestly, if the world didn't think I knew it hated me before, it surely should now." I looked at Jane while the rain poured down, her glasses were still on the rim of her nose, and she was practically crying. "I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"For you to think you're pretty." She laughed in response. "Oh, the cruelty, Ms. Crocker, it's killing me! You will laugh instead of responding! Clearly the world and you both hate me. This rain will be eternal!"

She kept on laughing. Up close I could see how she wasn't so much as sad, but in a strange way happy. Her cheeks pressed against her eyes, and her lips curled against her cheeks. The colors on her were very saturated. Bright teal eyes. Glossy pink lips. Dark hair. Pale skin. White teeth. The laughing continued.

"Yes, I know already, my suffering is amusing, but is it really deserving of this much laughing?"

She took in a deep breath to stop the laughter, I had to cool my own chuckles so she could speak. "Mr. Strider," She started, gazing directly into my eyes, I still don't know how she did that considering my glasses typically made the relative locations of my eyes difficult to find. "You dared coming to this windowsill, and interrupting my sleep. Not your wisest decision."

"I can see that now."

"And you ask me if I think I'm beautiful, without even allowing me to respond to the speech you made."

"Pretty much. Yeah."

Apparently, everything about this was amusing, because she started laughing again. Which, in hindsight, wasn't really without reason. As she giggled away, her glasses managed to inch forward even more. I was practically on autopilot as I pushed them back into their normal position. Her laughter ceased immediately. Shock was plastered across her face.

Jane looked into my eyes again, creepy as fuck due to the previously established hard to track eyes, and my hand froze brushing her was difficult to ignore the incredible closeness that had occured without my knowing. I could feel her breaths. Seconds slowed, time rushed, I hardly had any idea what was happening. My guess was that neither did she as she leaned forward. My own body also moved on its own accord, and our movements met halfway, colliding at our lips. My hand moved from her face to the smooth texture of her back. Her arms gracefully wrapped around my neck. Our movements were coordinated and uninterrupted. And fuck was it great.

She tasted like sweets. I didn't care if it was Betty Crocker because behind the brand it was Jane, and hell did she taste good. Her chest pressed against mine, which probably set off an alarm in the part of my head that was straight enough to compute it, but was disregarded by the pulse of lips against lips. The rain, which one would think of as a distraction, was just a factor to the kiss, contributing somehow to its intensity. I'd have to check it off of the list of cliches sometime. First kiss in the rain. I guess that would be not counting the time on Derse where I had to kiss her corpse. I was vaguely reminded of her being half out a windowsill when the kiss deepened and she bumped into the ledge.

"We should really do something about that window." She said only audible to me. I kissed her again. A few times. Enough to count on one hand.

"Then we will." I dragged her out of the house entirely, holding her up as I flew until she realized that she could fly as well. Sawtooth took this as his cue to press play on the stereo I gave him. Forgot about that. The words to the cheesy as fuck song "I Want to Know What Love is" by Foreigner started thumping loudly above the rain. So glad I made Sawtooth and that boombox waterproof.

Jane briefly laughed at the ridiculousness of the moment and pulled me into another kiss. This one deeper than the rest. There was definitely tongue, and quite possibly some biting. Fuck, who was this woman kissing me? I held onto her like if I didn't the planet might drop. A chorus of cheering erupted beneath us, the source being Jake and Roxy. When the hell did they get there?

"What on Skaia are you both doing here?!" Jane beat me to it.

"Jake told me about Dirk's plan, and I had to see this." Roxy explained. "You were right, Jake, so much better than the movies you've shown me." She looked pretty happy for someone who had gotten into a fight with their best friend. I don't even know how Jake managed that.

I turned back to Jane, kissing her again, with newfound passion. It had taken me a while to figure out how much I loved her, but now that I had, I couldn't dream of leaving her side. At least, not for a while. In between kisses she repeated my thoughts, "Just so you know, you aren't leaving this spot for a long time." The moment lasted forever.

_I wanna know what love is_

She smiled on my mouth, the glimmering rain shining against her lips, and there was only me, her, a song, and the water. No Skaia, parents, sburb, or Caliborn. Just this beautiful moment.

_I want you to show me_

**Author's Note: Don't you dare pressure me into writing an epilogue. Because I probably will.**


End file.
